I am sitting at home sick and my voice is gone so I felt inspired to write about the question that I get asked the most. Invariably, my answer is that it doesn't feel much different from my life before. Which is true for the most part. Everyone who knows us as a couple knows that we are truly different individuals, we have our own friends, we have our own interests and we really don't make anyone go awww all the time. But the cool thing is that we can talk through everything and we accept each other and all of our flaws...which is what got us through 8 years, 6 jobs, 4 cars(RIP Berretta, I30 and Sentra), 2 cross-country moves,1 house closing and 1 wedding.
We have already had the big fights and know how we feel about cleaning, money and sex so we don't have to work through those newlywed issues. What is really new to us is that we have to present our married couple front on certain things and that is what we are trying to work through. So we are trying to figure out how we entertain together (we never had any events at our house prior to the last month!), how we shop for gifts (we realized that Christmas presents and wedding presents will now come from the Joneses), how we give to charity and what will become our traditions. I find it to be new and challenging for me because I have to ask Todd how he feels about things that I used to just decide on for myself; this is hard because I have been grown for a long time and it feels like I am giving up some independence...argh! He really asked what I bought on one of my many Target runs and when I asked "why you want to know?" he was like "well you are now spending my money too." The nerve!
The other thing that is new is that I have to develop my "wife" persona. I remember having so many conversations with my friends when I graduated college about how weird it felt to in the working world because being in school was such a strong part of my identity up until that point. So I feel that inevitably I will have the define who I am as a wife and work that into my identity as well. Most days when I think about it, part of me is like "but you are not grown enough to be a wife!" but then my grown-up side, the side that pays the bills and goes to work, regains control...hehe ;-) So in conclusion, I would say that being married feels good because I get to take it all in stride and I don't feel any pressure to fit into a "married person" mold; we will make it all up as we go along. It really helps that we both presented a true picture of who we are as a person beforehand and that our marriage is sanctioned and supported by all of our friends and family.
4 comments:
Well Sista friend,
You've definitely opened my eyes to the possibilty of what could be.
Like everything else you're good at, you will be a good wife.
Wow Addis! I really loved your marriage disertation. Very well put together. I know how you feel (being married and all). I remember talking to Paul about it when he first got married. And he said that before it all happened, it was just HIM. Then after, everything that they did together was the two of them. Joint decision making and all. But like Ebony said, ya'll will be great together as husband and wife. You did it for 8 years. you guys can do it for 80 more!
P.S. I hope that you feel better. :-)
Blogger ate my comment.
I pour one out for the Beretta and the Sentra, those were good times.
I loved this post, hilarious and as Ebo said, eye opening. Us unmarried chicas wanted to know!
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